I have a confession. I want to share a few things that I am grateful for, but in order to do that I must also confess a few things that I have been doing a little bit more of lately.
I’m not sure if you noticed but I’ve been blogging a little bit more regularly, and sharing things that I’ve been learning, without sharing so many vulnerabilities.
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It’s still my birthday in New York and that’s where I was born, so it’s ok if I post my birthday #ootd, right? So simple. So comfortable. And perfect for doing a little bit of work, and having a lot of fun with the people I love most. I’m still getting used to the feeling of 45 and I’m sure it will take a little while longer till it feels good on me. One thing is for sure, I am praising God for all the blessings, all the LOVE, and all the people He has sent here, so I can grow closer to Him. I can’t begin to tell you just how grateful I am for the past week…shucks, the past month, year, and even more than that. 📷: @manila.gent • • • • Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight. • • • • #birthday #birthdaylove #love #GodisLOVE #grateful #gratitude #willowclothing #williowclothingph
It’s easy for me, actually, when I get in the groove of writing.
With the events that I attend, and the things I learn, it’s very easy to fill the pages with information that is both useful to parents with children, and maybe even women who are looking for life hacks and ways to make it easier.
When I started blogging, I would pour my heart out on the keyboard. I shared parts of myself that were raw, unfiltered, and tender in my new motherhood.
What I didn’t know then, was that sharing those parts of myself would become cathartic.
It would become empowering.
It was also a way for me to express my love.
I wanted to profess my love for my daughter, the rest of my children, and my husband.
My goal in sharing those very vulnerable parts to myself was to show the new momma who may have just been handed a diagnosis of Down Syndrome, that her motherhood would still be beautiful.
In fact, what I wanted to share, was that my motherhood became even more beautiful because the perspective of an extra chromosome. Gelli’s extra chromosome gave me the courage to not only become an advocate for her, but an advocate for others.
Back then, I told myself that if one mom contacted me, and shared with me that my writing, or the sharing of my feelings, or the photos of my daughter, or my posts on her triumphs, somehow helped her find hope through a diagnosis that she wasn’t planning for, then my job would be done.
You see it’s Down Syndrome Awareness month in the United States, and all the mamas that I follow on Instagram and in cyberspace are writing about #theluckyfew and their journey.
They are sharing the good, the bad, the challenging, and the not so pretty parts of their motherhood.
They know that when they share, they’re empowering some other mom who may was handed a diagnosis with an extra chromosome too.
We share because it’s also another way that we can all come together and support one another in a motherhood.
In our parenthood.
And our womanhood.
I think there’s a lot of self empowerment in that too.
It’s the kind of thing I look for when I blog or when I vlog.
Not because I need a pat on the back, or because I need some type of affirmation to keep moving forward. Instead, when I share, the power comes from knowing and understanding FULLY that I am not alone?
Truth is: We all know it’s not easy being vulnerable.
So, my confession today is: I have been sharing a little less about the kids, about my relationship with Nino, and maybe even about myself.
In essence, I’ve been censoring.
And the desire to confess comes from the assumption that I’m sure because you read blogs like mine, that you also know many people who share their lives through this medium, do NOT share their WHOLE life. (That goes for social media too.)
In fact, I share lots of little bits of our lives on social media and here on the website to exemplify the challenges that arise in taking care of my children, because the feedback that I receive is worth its weight in GOLD.
But, I don’t always share when I feel like I’m failing.
Because, let’s face it: There are a lot of times when I feel like I’m failing.
But not last Friday.
Last Friday, I felt like I was winning.
I was able to see Gia off to school.
I was able to take Gelli to school.
I kissed my loving husband good bye before I Ieft the house.
I picked up Gelli’s snack from my friend Rashmi for her U.N. Day celebration.
I watched Gelli interact with her classmates and shake her booty till she made me teary eyed.
I noticed Gelli fall in line.
I saw her willingly follow directions.
I saw her listen to her teacher attentively.
I relished in her excitement when she saw me in the audience.
I observed her in class while she and her classmates enjoyed the snacks that everyone brought in to share..
I noticed a couple of things that made me sad.
I noticed quite a few more things that made me happy.
I said a little prayer of thanks for the kind people He has sent into my daughter’s life through school; her teachers, and her classmates.
I also said another little prayer to please continue to send Gelli people who will be kind to her.
I thanked her classmate (who was being a little mean) for being KIND to her, too.
AND then, I said a little prayer of thanks that He allowed all of these beautiful moments to fill my heart with gratitude.
And for that particular day, I felt like I was winning.
I’ll try to hold onto that feeling for a little while. Sometimes, it’s fleeting. Sometimes, I get a string of days like that. Those are good days. Really good days.
I like feeling like I am winning.
What is one thing today that made YOU feel like you were winning?