• Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Pinterest
  • Twitter

Momma 'N Manila

Growing through parenting

  • Home
  • About Me
  • Blog
  • Nourish
    • Main Dishes
    • Side Dishes
    • Desserts
    • Cheers
    • Guest Recipes
  • Advocate
    • Autism
    • Best Buddies
    • Down Syndrome
    • Special Needs
  • Gather
    • Crafternoons
    • Entertaining at Home
    • Events
    • Mothers Who Brunch
    • DIY
  • Review
    • 4 KIDS
    • Dining
    • Travel
    • Home & Hearth
    • Health & Beauty
    • Giveaways
    • Fashion
  • Nurture
    • Education
    • Parenting
    • Relationships
    • Yoga
  • MWB

Relationships

5 Things I Learned from my Parents

My mom and dad got married more than 45 years ago.

They had a quiet ceremony in front of the Justice of the Peace.

Their mothers were both in attendance.

Some of their siblings were there too.

And then they had dinner in their favorite Chinese restaurant on Mott street, in NYC.

It was a simple declaration of their love for one another.

Fire Island circa 1972

Of their commitment.

And their promise to take care of one another for the rest of their lives.

It’s because of their love, and the gift that God gave each of them, in each other, that I am here.

Me and My Dad 1974

Yet another miracle of God.

BGC 2017 Photo Credit: Sheila Catilo

And here I am.

Photo Credit: Sheila Catilo

I am, who I am, because of them.

Photo Credit: Sheila Catilo

And I am the type of parent that I am because of how they parented me.

Photo Credits: Sheila Catilo

As parents, we know that how we love our children shapes and develops their character by the age of 9. These are called the formative years. Psychologists have shared how child rearing molds thought processes, coping mechanisms, and the moral compasses that we will develop as children, and carry through to adulthood.

For example, if a child learns that making mistakes is ok, if we learn from them, he will learn to pick himself up after he falls. He will learn that there is a lesson in falling, and also a lesson in dusting himself off continuing along in reaching his goals.  If he learns that love is not supposed to hurt, and that healthy love can be remarkably fulfilling when sharing yourself with someone, then he will grow up not only learning to love himself, but also learning to love others in a healthy way too.

Conversely, if a child grows up watching his parents fight or berate each other, his idea of love and relationships will be wildly different than a child who grew up in a home that was safe and where the relationships were caring, nurturing, and fulfilling.

Allow me to take it a step further in saying if a child grows up in a home where his father would hit his mother or where his father was not committed to his mother and had girlfriends outside of their marriage, chances are the cycle will be repeated unless he has a different role model to look up to that can influence him otherwise.

“The extent to which the parents openly and genuinely are loving and affectionate with one another shapes both the child’s world and its developing sense of self.  It also affects the child’s sense of safety and predictability, and becomes the model and archetype for the child’s future relationships by providing the basic schemata for the child’s internalized images of closeness, intimacy, dispute resolution, expression of emotions, and respect between the sexes.We shape our children into the adults they become.”

But I digress in trying to exemplify just how important a role we play as parents when raising children.

I intended for this post to be a testament of what MY parents have taught ME. I just needed to show through a few articles and quotes that we (as parents) have a wide range of power and responsibility in teaching our children right from wrong, and in modeling what a healthy relationship is.

Our children become what they see us do.

Not what we say.

They learn by watching us.

“Monkey See. Monkey Do.”

And I am grateful for I have had such wonderful teachers in this life…

So what have I learned from my parents?

My Family begins with my parents. I’m thankful for them.

Love doesn’t keep score.

Nobody is perfect. We all make mistakes. No marriage is perfect either. We come into this union as strangers from different families and cultures, and if we do it right, I know a husband and wife can become the best of friends.

Communication is the key here.

Acceptance is too.

Actually, it makes me think of this scripture from our wedding:

 

Which leads me to my next point…

In MARRIAGE you need The Trinity.

Honesty. Love. Respect.

Be honest with yourself and your spouse. When trust is broken because there is no honesty, respect is lost. It takes YEARS to build that respect and trust back. Sadly, some marriages never recover when trust and honesty is broken or taken for granted.

As I am older now and a little wiser, I would even say that Nino and I have learned of another TRINITY we need in our marriage as well.

During our recent 2be1 Couples’ Retreat with CCF, Nino and I were able to finally put Jesus at the center of our marriage. Photo Credit: 2be1

This trinity is between the two of us, and Jesus.

And that makes all the difference.

In MARRIAGE you need God.

After attending the 2be1 Couples Retreat recently in Baguio, I can say that bringing Jesus into our marriage can only strengthen and fortify the love between two people who want to make a life together.

In fact, we have reinforced the fact that in the hierarchy of importance we have both learned to put GOD first, then each other, next is our children, and of course the work that fulfills us follows the first three.

It takes a VILLAGE.

This same concept that I believe in when it comes to child-rearing is applicable in MARRIAGE.

I had a village growing up as a child, too.

My Nana lived with us up until I was about 14 years old. I would sit with her often. She was kind. She represented all that was love. She was nurturing. Between my Nana and my Auntie Anne, I had two more strong women (besides my mother) whom I could look up to for guidance.

I consider myself lucky that Nino was able to meet both of them.

If you have the support of your family in your marriage then it can only help the two of you grow as a couple. Being able to lean on my parents and siblings in time of need, has been a gift not just for Nino and me, but also for our children.

This village is the same village we have called on when we needed help with babysitting. Help with pulling off a birthday party for one of the kids, and even help when it came to offering sound advice to both of us, when we hit the occasional bump in the road that marriages often endure.

Our families are here to help us in our marriage. Not hurt us.

It’s the wisdom of couples who have been their before that is paramount here. Being able to consult our parents in times of need, disappointment, and confusion that has helped us survive marriage when it was hairy scary.

The trust we put in our elders helping our union thrive, should not be misplaced.

My parents’ marriage has also given me insight into my own marriage with Nino. They have guided us when we were newlyweds and still finding our way. I remember my dad explaining to me how differently men and women think. They have also shown us by example all the many ways in which we can support one another as husband and wife.

These ideals were also reinforced during our recent couples’ retreat again. Thankfully, revisiting some these values was a reminder to Nino and I, that we are on the right path to keeping our marriage safe.

No one told us how difficult marriage would be when we tied the knot.

In fact, the precana classes that we were required to take before getting married only touched on different ways to meet your spouse in the middle. Our Deacon gave us four words that worked for a long time in helping us to communicate with one another, and I would say that communication would be the most important factor in keeping it all together…

Those four words?

“In love and confidence…”

For many years, if something was tugging at our hearts, or someone was hurting in our marriage, all we had to do to stop time and circumstance and put things into perspective, was to start our dialogue with “In love and confidence…”

And that meant everything else should stop.

That both of us should sit down and listen to one another with open hearts and open minds.

And REALLY LISTEN.

I am thankful that all my siblings are present in our lives, and the lives of our children. Our parents raised us to depend on one another.

Your siblings are on your team.

My dad said long ago, many times over, “Your siblings are the longest relationships you will have in your life.

Longer than your parents, longer than your spouse.

Take care of one another.”

#TeamGellibean

I don’t think I can impress this any more than I already have, in raising our children. We are #TeamGellibean. There are four people on this very special team. They will only have one another when Nino and I are gone.

And my prayer is that we have taught them well.

That we have taught them how to love each other.
That we have taught them how to be kind, and respectful.
That we have shown them that they are worthy and part of something much bigger than themselves.
And that we have modeled what a a loving relationship between two partners can be if they work really hard.

I know, that as a child, I developed an idea of the type of man I wanted to marry, simply by watching how my dad treated my mom. Their relationship defined what I thought was good and right in this world. I was (and I still am) very proud of the people that they are, and the partnership they embody.

They are my barometer…both of what I wanted, and even on the rare occasion of little things that I did not want in any future relationship.

And since we already know that my children have been watching Nino and me very closely, I can only hope that one day, they will look back on how we have lived our lives together, in our partnership, and they will want something similar to the love we have for one another, for themselves.

 

 

 

Share this:

  • Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window)

Related


« 5 Things to Do In Vigan
Praying for a Sign »

Comments

  1. helenfrancesi says

    October 20, 2017 at 7:29 am

    this is so heartfelt and meaningful Michelle <3

    • michelle says

      October 24, 2017 at 7:31 am

      Thank you Helen. It took a little while to write because I had some deep feelings to write about. I didn’t want it to interfere with what I wanted the post to convey. Thanks for stopping by!

Hello and Welcome!


Hi! Here is where I share my thoughts on yoga, cooking, crafting, raising a special child, exploring, eating, playing, and living in Manila.
READ MORE

You can also say hi or email me at mish@mommanmanila.com

Twitter

Tweets by @mishaventajado

Pinterest

Recent Posts

  • Waterside BBQ Brunch Buffet at Solaire
  • LUMOS RAY Projector Review
  • A Grapeful Summer with Taste Australia
  • Suite Treat Mommy Weekend at Marco Polo Manila
  • Weekend Grills at the Bay City Café

Archives

Categories

Recent Comments

  • Ran on Waterside BBQ Brunch Buffet at Solaire
  • michelle on Waterside BBQ Brunch Buffet at Solaire
  • Ran on Waterside BBQ Brunch Buffet at Solaire
  • michelle on LUMOS RAY Projector Review
  • Angelie G. Y. Melsbo on LUMOS RAY Projector Review

FOLLOW ME ON INSTAGRAM @mommanmanila

mommanmanila

It’s December 1st! Is there anything more delic It’s December 1st!

Is there anything more delicious than the smell of Christmas and the new found freedom as we anticipate celebrating the holidays with our families again?

@festivalmall has hosted a series of musical shows since November 5th that include Ace Banzuelo and Silent Sanctuary. Check out Michael Pangilinan on December 10th, too!

With Santa visiting, Christmas parties, arts and crafts and lots of promos, you can even enter for a chance to win a Toyota Fortuner!

Best of all-I love it when the places we know give purpose to their celebrations. Thank you #FestivalMall for partnering with @dsapi1  this holiday season. 

Thank you for sharing all the different ways we can celebrate the holidays with you!

#tistheseason #seasonofgiving #downsyndromeawareness #aintnothingdownaboutit #upsyndrome
I have always been intimidated by Cornish Hens. Th I have always been intimidated by Cornish Hens. Through this learning exercise with @usapeecphl, I have learned a bit more about these little birds that have bigger breast parts, and thank you Chef @ivoryyat for showing me how easy it is to prepare Greek Lemon Roasted Cornish Hens with Roasted Potatoes.
 
Clean and fresh flavors are perfect for these smaller birds that are rich in protein with zero carbs. Try the recipe in the comments section. I’m sure you’d enjoy it as much as I did!
 
Interested in U.S. Cornish Hens? You can buy them in stores near you. #CornishHen #USCornishHen #PoultryPerfection #CookingWithUSPoultry #USPoultry #USAPEECPHL #ad
@gi.aventajado and I played with some of the @pura @gi.aventajado and I played with some of the @puratosph products that they sent over the other day. Ready to use Bavarian Cream made these Cream Puffs easier than ever. I think we have to figure out how to temper our couverture better…

#workinprogress #wasdelicious #giabaked #puratosph #gavinosph #anyonecanbake
@mommymundo always has a way of bringing together @mommymundo always has a way of bringing together just what we need, no matter the time of year. Loving these photos of my first boy that were snapped @expomom.

Anyone else thinking about #HolidayPhotos? I am not one of those moms that has it all together before Christmas. It’s usually a mad dash for us at the end of the year, but if it’s anything that the past few years has taught me, it’s that the little things are what makes the Christmas special.

Many of us haven’t been together with the extended family or even our immediate family in so long. That means it’s the perfect time to document.

@nextbymetrophoto will be hosting one last Christmas Marathon family photo shoot before the end of year. Check them out or shoot them a message. They have some cute set-ups.
****GIVEAWAY ALERT*** 10 things I LOVE about @sed ****GIVEAWAY ALERT***

10 things I LOVE about @sedahotels listed here and on FB!

1. Each property has a Signature Dish. If you can’t make it to Bacolod, you can still enjoy Chicken Inasal in any of their properties.

2. Clean Design. So easy to work and play in a space that is light, modern, and clean in design. 

3. Beautiful views. Every chance I got, I would sit outside at @straightupatseda. 

4. Spacious Rooms and Residence Stays. Staying in the Three Bedroom Premier was perfect for our family. 

5. Attentive Service. Everyone was pleasant and accommodating.

6. Centrally Located. If you are thinking of fun things to do in Makati and want a home base, Seda Residences Makati is near a few of the museums, parks, and malls.

7. Work with ease. Internet service is uninterrupted. Meeting rooms are available and easy to book.

8. Relax and Play. From mid-day tubbies with Gelli to, taking advantage of the pool, or the children’s room, the little girl had more than enough things to keep her busy!

9. #FamilyTime. Spending an extended amount of time outside our own space led to laughter, fun conversations, and opportunities to try new things. We were comfortable and rested in the space we were in, which meant more opportunities for us to connect.

10. Homegrown with a Purpose. A Filipino brand that understands the importance of both work and travel, each property is important to the city & province location. Environmentally aware by adopting Mayumi, a Philippine Bald Eagle. 🦅

Want to win your own staycation at #SedaResidencesMakati?

Up for grabs is one night in a ONE BEDROOM DELUXE for two persons with breakfast!

Here’s how to enter to win:
1) Follow @sedahotels 
2) Follow @mommanmanila & @kitchen143 
3) Tag a friend (or more) who love(s) staycations too!
4) Comment why you should win this staycation treat!

Plus points for people who share this post in stories and the winner will be announced on December 6th.
Thankful for work that doesn’t feel like work. Thankful for work that doesn’t feel like work.

@kitchen143 is something I really do love. Sharing a little bit of my kitchen with viewers and followers brings me joy. Even better when I get to work with chefs whom I can learn from and friends who like to spend time in the kitchen too!

#Thanksgiving
Thankful for the gift of music. Wish I caught mor Thankful for the gift of music.

Wish I caught more mini moments from We Will Rock You.

Such a great musical!

@sedahotels 
#sedaresidencesmakati 
#sedaat10
Thankful for @bestbuddies_ph. @gelliaventajado j Thankful for @bestbuddies_ph. 

@gelliaventajado joined our family and led me to @bestbuddies. 

Thankful for all the ambassadors who were able to spend time with us. And for @smlpeeps  and @asurionphcareers for helping make magic happen on Saturday afternoon for #Friendsgiving.

#Thanksgiving #bestbuddiesph
Thankful for women who share their faith with me. Thankful for women who share their faith with me. 

#Thanksgiving
Is there anything better than a stuffed turkey at Is there anything better than a stuffed turkey at this time of year? Whole turkeys require serious commitment to cook. #IYKYK But because U.S. Poultry is now available here in the Philippines, that also means preparing turkey is a tad bit easier.
 
Frozen U.S. turkey products are available and ready to cook for people who want to dabble with flavors for this bigger bird but aren't sure how.
 
Thank you to Chef @ivoryyat for putting together a medley of my favorite fall flavors. This combination of apples, sweet potatoes, and maple syrup perfectly compliment  the roasted turkey leg and remind me of flavors and scenes from back in New York. 
 
@usapeecphl l has the highest standards that follow USDA requirements which are certified safe before shipping to the Philippines. Get them in stores near you. 

#ad #Turkey #USTurkey #Thanksgiving #PoultryPerfection #CookingWithUSPoultry #USPoultry #USAPEECPHL #ServeTurkey #EatTurkey
Load More... Follow on Instagram

Copyright © 2023 · Blog Design by Fancy Girl Design Studio

Copyright © 2023 · Divine Theme on Genesis Framework · WordPress · Log in

 

Loading Comments...