• Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Pinterest
  • Twitter

Momma 'N Manila

Growing through parenting

  • Home
  • About Me
  • Blog
  • Nourish
    • Main Dishes
    • Side Dishes
    • Desserts
    • Cheers
    • Guest Recipes
  • Advocate
    • Autism
    • Best Buddies
    • Down Syndrome
    • Special Needs
  • Gather
    • Crafternoons
    • Entertaining at Home
    • Events
    • Mothers Who Brunch
    • DIY
  • Review
    • 4 KIDS
    • Dining
    • Travel
    • Home & Hearth
    • Health & Beauty
    • Giveaways
    • Fashion
  • Nurture
    • Education
    • Parenting
    • Relationships
    • Yoga
  • MWB

Nurture Parenting Relationships

5 Things Your Kids Should See in Your Marriage

“Relationship Goals.”

That’s what my son said as his father was bidding me good-bye before he was leaving for a late night meeting, last week.

Nino and I haven’t exactly been seeing eye to eye lately. But I have been trying really hard to understand him. As part of that night’s routine kiss good-bye, I also closed my eyes and rested my forehead upon his. With a deep breath and that 5 second pause, I let Nino know that I love him even if I haven’t been so happy lately.

http://mulpix.com/post/916801981312536168.html

Photo Credit here. 5 Things your Kids should see in your marriage

I know all my relationships ebb and flow.

This is something I have learned throughout my 20 year relationship with Nino.

I also  know that neither of us are perfect. 

But I didn’t marry Nino thinking he was perfect. I married him knowing he loved all of me and that despite his flaws, I loved him too. 

When I asked Miguel what he meant (after his father left) by his statement, he explained it to me this way. 

“Mom, there are a lot of my friends who don’t live in loving homes. Their parents fight. Some of their parents don’t even live together. Some of my friends don’t even have a dad anymore because he passed away. Or a mom. But I’m so lucky, because I see what love is with you and Dad. I know that the two of you love each other. And that’s a gift…because I have parents who really love each other and aren’t afraid to show it every day.”

There are many things Nino and I like to do to nurture our relationship, but one thing that is important is in this endeavor is to go out together without the kids.

We make it a point to have time alone, at least once a week.

Recently, we were taking a drive up to Tagaytay to have brunch at one of our favorite places, and we got to talking about how our relationship sets the standard for our kids. We are the first and most influential people in their lives, after all.

FLASHBACK: When we first moved here, we attended a seminar to enrich our relationship. I must admit, I wasn’t gung ho to attend at first, because I had the preconceived notion that couples with really heavy problems usually attend these types of retreats. Thankfully, after attending the Marriage Encounter Weekend Seminar, (aka MEWS by All For Jesus) I realized that anyone who would like to continue to be reminded why they got married in the first place, might benefit from such a thought provoking weekend.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Kiss_(Klimt)

The KISS by Gustav Klimt was what I imagined love to feel like. Enveloping and Intertwining. I remember showing this to Nino when we were dating. I wanted the man that I would eventually marry to love me like he loves her in this painting. 

The MEWS weekend devoid of kids, phones, tv, and anything else that may provide distraction when trying to connect with your partner. It was quite refreshing to put everything else aside and just focus on each other.

If Coach Pia says, we have to remove the distractions in our lives to understand our CORE, then removing the distractions from the most important relationship I will have in my adult life, makes sense, too. I just didn’t know it back then!

This is what we also like to do when we go out on our mini dates. We shift the focus to each other. That doesn’t mean we don’t talk about work, or the kids, or all of our other responsibilities. In fact, most of the time, we actually do. But we can do all this catching up and focusing on each other without interruption and that is key to maintaining the connection and the intimacy a husband and wife need to survive marriage.

So, during our last drive up to Tagatay, I started asking Nino a bunch of questions as to what he thought was important for our children to see exemplified in our relationship. If our relationship is the barometer or our children’s future relationships with their own partners, then it is our responsibility to be the best example we can be, RIGHT?

I want my children to find partners who love and respect them for who they are. I want my children to find partners who are nurturing and trustworthy. I want my children to partner with someone who knows that having children is both a blessing and a responsibility, but that that responsibility comes with the first promise they make to each other in marriage…to be committed….

So if I want my kids to know and value all of these things in a relationship, Nino and I should model these same characteristics and traits…

During our conversation, I was taking notes on my phone.

Here are the five important characteristics that we know we want our kids to see in our relationship:

  1. We want our kids to see us disagree. There is no marriage out there where spouses agree on everything ALL the time. I want my kids to see that Nino and I can agree to disagree. We don’t have to have the same viewpoints on politics or current events. What is important here, is that I want my kids to see that even if Nino and I disagree or argue, we do it with respect. In other words, it’s not a knock down drag out fight to the end. We are on the same team. Even if we do fight, I want my kids to see that our words are spoken with respect, even when we disagree… 
  2. We want our kids to see us make up. Ok…so if we agree that every marriage will have disagreements, or fights, or times when we don’t subscribe to the same ideals, we want them to see that after the disagreement or fight that we can forgive. Forgiving someone after they have hurt you, or after they made a mistake is Godly. If Jesus can forgive. So can I.
  3. We want our kids to see that we make time for each other. This is why our dates are so important. When Nino and I go out for dates in the evening, I try to dress up every now and then. I fix myself up. I dress up for myself because it makes me feel good. If you look good, then you feel good. It’s not a production all the time, but once in awhile, I enjoy making the every day just a little more special. When our kids see that we are investing time in our relationship, they see and understand the commitment that Nino and I made to each other. They see this in a real and concrete way, because we go out of our way to just be together.
  4. We want our kids to see us KISS.  I am a very affectionate person. It’s important to me. Even when Nino and I first met, I know that was one of the characteristics that struck a chord in him when we dating. In our love letters, he referred to me as cariñosa. Words of affirmation are also my love language, but I feel Nino’s love for me even more when he holds my hand, brushes the hair from my face, or rubs my back. Of course, I love to kiss my husband. Small kisses, long kisses, and slow kisses… The last of these kisses is most probably not in front of my kids, but in the case that they do see this act of love, they see it and understand that physical affection is a healthy aspect of their parents’ relationship. 
  5. We want our kids to see us LAUGH. Ahhh…this was something, I wanted to convince Nino of when we were younger and just starting out. He was so serious while he was courting me. I told him we should be friends before we were lovers. I asked for him to be my friend. I told him that I wanted to get to know him and for him to be my friend before we could move forward into a serious relationship. When we met, we both knew that we were looking for “the one,” that it was time “that time” to find our life partner. But initially, Nino’s seriousness and steadfastness….had me questioning myself a bit. He didn’t smile. He made it clear that it was his intention to marry me and that had me a bit worried. How could I marry someone whom I couldn’t have a good time with? It took him months to crack a joke and for us to belly laugh together. I think we were able to truly laugh together, when he knew I had made the commitment to him…that was when I said YES.

So if I take what my fourteen year old son said to heart, when his dad was leaving the house, I think that we may be doing it right. I think he may actually see what Nino and I have nurtured in our relationship as husband and wife all these years. We showed him these 5 things without even trying that hard. I would dare say, that we are doing something right by our kids because we love each other the way we do.

Aventajado Family Portraits - Lifestyle Photography by Lianne Bacorro - Edited-286 copy

Photo Credit: Lianne Bacorro

Share this:

  • Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window)

Related


« Vows of Elegance
Sigekiya Ramen »

Comments

  1. jencc says

    April 10, 2016 at 1:29 pm

    i love this mish!!!

    • michelle says

      April 11, 2016 at 7:46 am

      Thanks for stopping by Jen 🙂

  2. Chrissy says

    April 11, 2016 at 7:32 am

    Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this Mish 🙂 I love it 🙂

    • michelle says

      April 11, 2016 at 2:00 pm

      Thanks for stopping by Chrissy! I’m so glad that this post resonates with you 🙂

  3. Maggie says

    April 15, 2016 at 2:03 am

    Great post, Mish! It’s a good reminder for me and Mike. Oh and I am loving your blog’s new look!

    • michelle says

      May 11, 2016 at 6:15 pm

      Thank you for stopping by Maggie. xoxo

  4. Mom-Friday says

    May 7, 2016 at 11:10 pm

    Very inspiring post! It made me think of how we’re doung as a couple!

    • michelle says

      May 11, 2016 at 6:11 pm

      Thanks for stopping by Michelle. It took me a long time to write this post. I’m glad that it resonates with you.

  5. Mary G says

    May 11, 2016 at 12:26 am

    inspiring!

    • michelle says

      May 11, 2016 at 6:10 pm

      Thanks for stopping by Mary!

  6. Mira Manni says

    May 31, 2016 at 8:36 am

    You are a model mother and wife. Your family is lucky to have you. And don’t worry when you wonder what to do. You will do the right thing and good will always come of it.

    • michelle says

      June 1, 2016 at 7:39 am

      Thank you my friend. Thank you.

  7. Bette says

    August 24, 2016 at 10:12 am

    This made me smile because last night while the husband was busy reading downstairs, I went up and as soon as I got there I made kulit by calling him 3x … he answered yes everytime and sa huli I said “lab u”. My 9yo daughter who was with her dad laughed and my 17yo son who was washing dishes said… “sauce”…hahaha! So I called kuya also and when he said yes, I said yab u kuya… no choice siya but to say yab u din hehe.

    The other day naman while we were all seated sa dining (my 2 girls) doing homework and the husband was reading, I wrote a note sa small paper “I <3 U :)" and placed it sa page that he was reading… he was surprised and when he saw what I wrote he/we laughed so hard. The girls got curious and asked their dad bakit kami tumawa. He showed the note to them and they laughed also and said awww…sweet naman. 😀

    Thanks for sharing! <3

    • michelle says

      August 29, 2016 at 7:15 am

      Hi Bette!
      Thanks for stopping by and sharing. I think if we can be reminded every now and then to express our love in sweet ways, it’s wonderful for the kids to see. Especially, when they are in their teen years. There is so much outside influence of relationships, that we may forget how important our relationship with our partners are. We truly are the first and and last example they will see of healthy love. I think it’s cute to leave little love notes and I thank you for reminding me of that 🙂

Hello and Welcome!


Hi! Here is where I share my thoughts on yoga, cooking, crafting, raising a special child, exploring, eating, playing, and living in Manila.
READ MORE

You can also say hi or email me at mish@mommanmanila.com

Twitter

Tweets by @mishaventajado

Pinterest

Recent Posts

  • Our Dental Experience at Affinity Dental, One Bonifacio High Street
  • Waterside BBQ Brunch Buffet at Solaire
  • LUMOS RAY Projector Review
  • A Grapeful Summer with Taste Australia
  • Suite Treat Mommy Weekend at Marco Polo Manila

Archives

Categories

Recent Comments

  • Ran on Waterside BBQ Brunch Buffet at Solaire
  • michelle on Waterside BBQ Brunch Buffet at Solaire
  • Ran on Waterside BBQ Brunch Buffet at Solaire
  • michelle on LUMOS RAY Projector Review
  • Angelie G. Y. Melsbo on LUMOS RAY Projector Review

FOLLOW ME ON INSTAGRAM @mommanmanila

mommanmanila

It’s December 1st! Is there anything more delic It’s December 1st!

Is there anything more delicious than the smell of Christmas and the new found freedom as we anticipate celebrating the holidays with our families again?

@festivalmall has hosted a series of musical shows since November 5th that include Ace Banzuelo and Silent Sanctuary. Check out Michael Pangilinan on December 10th, too!

With Santa visiting, Christmas parties, arts and crafts and lots of promos, you can even enter for a chance to win a Toyota Fortuner!

Best of all-I love it when the places we know give purpose to their celebrations. Thank you #FestivalMall for partnering with @dsapi1  this holiday season. 

Thank you for sharing all the different ways we can celebrate the holidays with you!

#tistheseason #seasonofgiving #downsyndromeawareness #aintnothingdownaboutit #upsyndrome
I have always been intimidated by Cornish Hens. Th I have always been intimidated by Cornish Hens. Through this learning exercise with @usapeecphl, I have learned a bit more about these little birds that have bigger breast parts, and thank you Chef @ivoryyat for showing me how easy it is to prepare Greek Lemon Roasted Cornish Hens with Roasted Potatoes.
 
Clean and fresh flavors are perfect for these smaller birds that are rich in protein with zero carbs. Try the recipe in the comments section. I’m sure you’d enjoy it as much as I did!
 
Interested in U.S. Cornish Hens? You can buy them in stores near you. #CornishHen #USCornishHen #PoultryPerfection #CookingWithUSPoultry #USPoultry #USAPEECPHL #ad
@gi.aventajado and I played with some of the @pura @gi.aventajado and I played with some of the @puratosph products that they sent over the other day. Ready to use Bavarian Cream made these Cream Puffs easier than ever. I think we have to figure out how to temper our couverture better…

#workinprogress #wasdelicious #giabaked #puratosph #gavinosph #anyonecanbake
@mommymundo always has a way of bringing together @mommymundo always has a way of bringing together just what we need, no matter the time of year. Loving these photos of my first boy that were snapped @expomom.

Anyone else thinking about #HolidayPhotos? I am not one of those moms that has it all together before Christmas. It’s usually a mad dash for us at the end of the year, but if it’s anything that the past few years has taught me, it’s that the little things are what makes the Christmas special.

Many of us haven’t been together with the extended family or even our immediate family in so long. That means it’s the perfect time to document.

@nextbymetrophoto will be hosting one last Christmas Marathon family photo shoot before the end of year. Check them out or shoot them a message. They have some cute set-ups.
****GIVEAWAY ALERT*** 10 things I LOVE about @sed ****GIVEAWAY ALERT***

10 things I LOVE about @sedahotels listed here and on FB!

1. Each property has a Signature Dish. If you can’t make it to Bacolod, you can still enjoy Chicken Inasal in any of their properties.

2. Clean Design. So easy to work and play in a space that is light, modern, and clean in design. 

3. Beautiful views. Every chance I got, I would sit outside at @straightupatseda. 

4. Spacious Rooms and Residence Stays. Staying in the Three Bedroom Premier was perfect for our family. 

5. Attentive Service. Everyone was pleasant and accommodating.

6. Centrally Located. If you are thinking of fun things to do in Makati and want a home base, Seda Residences Makati is near a few of the museums, parks, and malls.

7. Work with ease. Internet service is uninterrupted. Meeting rooms are available and easy to book.

8. Relax and Play. From mid-day tubbies with Gelli to, taking advantage of the pool, or the children’s room, the little girl had more than enough things to keep her busy!

9. #FamilyTime. Spending an extended amount of time outside our own space led to laughter, fun conversations, and opportunities to try new things. We were comfortable and rested in the space we were in, which meant more opportunities for us to connect.

10. Homegrown with a Purpose. A Filipino brand that understands the importance of both work and travel, each property is important to the city & province location. Environmentally aware by adopting Mayumi, a Philippine Bald Eagle. 🦅

Want to win your own staycation at #SedaResidencesMakati?

Up for grabs is one night in a ONE BEDROOM DELUXE for two persons with breakfast!

Here’s how to enter to win:
1) Follow @sedahotels 
2) Follow @mommanmanila & @kitchen143 
3) Tag a friend (or more) who love(s) staycations too!
4) Comment why you should win this staycation treat!

Plus points for people who share this post in stories and the winner will be announced on December 6th.
Thankful for work that doesn’t feel like work. Thankful for work that doesn’t feel like work.

@kitchen143 is something I really do love. Sharing a little bit of my kitchen with viewers and followers brings me joy. Even better when I get to work with chefs whom I can learn from and friends who like to spend time in the kitchen too!

#Thanksgiving
Thankful for the gift of music. Wish I caught mor Thankful for the gift of music.

Wish I caught more mini moments from We Will Rock You.

Such a great musical!

@sedahotels 
#sedaresidencesmakati 
#sedaat10
Thankful for @bestbuddies_ph. @gelliaventajado j Thankful for @bestbuddies_ph. 

@gelliaventajado joined our family and led me to @bestbuddies. 

Thankful for all the ambassadors who were able to spend time with us. And for @smlpeeps  and @asurionphcareers for helping make magic happen on Saturday afternoon for #Friendsgiving.

#Thanksgiving #bestbuddiesph
Thankful for women who share their faith with me. Thankful for women who share their faith with me. 

#Thanksgiving
Is there anything better than a stuffed turkey at Is there anything better than a stuffed turkey at this time of year? Whole turkeys require serious commitment to cook. #IYKYK But because U.S. Poultry is now available here in the Philippines, that also means preparing turkey is a tad bit easier.
 
Frozen U.S. turkey products are available and ready to cook for people who want to dabble with flavors for this bigger bird but aren't sure how.
 
Thank you to Chef @ivoryyat for putting together a medley of my favorite fall flavors. This combination of apples, sweet potatoes, and maple syrup perfectly compliment  the roasted turkey leg and remind me of flavors and scenes from back in New York. 
 
@usapeecphl l has the highest standards that follow USDA requirements which are certified safe before shipping to the Philippines. Get them in stores near you. 

#ad #Turkey #USTurkey #Thanksgiving #PoultryPerfection #CookingWithUSPoultry #USPoultry #USAPEECPHL #ServeTurkey #EatTurkey
Load More... Follow on Instagram

Copyright © 2023 · Blog Design by Fancy Girl Design Studio

Copyright © 2023 · Divine Theme on Genesis Framework · WordPress · Log in

 

Loading Comments...