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Relationships Travel

5 Ways to Connect with Your Husband

Being married is hard.

It’s really hard.

No one tells you just how hard it is when you are planning your wedding. No one tells you just how much you will end up giving up of yourself when you are picking table arrangements, choosing your wedding dress, or writing your vows.

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I’m so lucky to have my sisters. But I’m also lucky to have a brother in my sister’s husband as well.

I thought I had an idea of just how difficult marriage and parenting could be. I saw my older sister get married and tie the knot with the love her of her life before me. I thought I understood the sacrifices that my parents made while raising the five of us. I thought I knew what it takes to hold it all together because my parents made it look easy.

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circa 1985

They loved each other after all, right?

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Mom and Dad at Copacabana.

Well, 18 years into marriage (and heading full steam ahead into our 19th year as husband and wife) I realize there are some secrets to staying connected, to communicate effectively, and keeping the fire burning for my partner, as we navigate this thing called life.

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Photo Credit: Sheila Catilo

This year has been tough on our marriage, and it’s taken a lot of effort on both of our parts to keep it all together. While, we have never lacked for love, we have let some things slide a little because the stresses of family, work, and our daily responsibilities that have distracted us from the most important relationship we will nurture.

I have been wanting to connect with my husband again. So when the opportunity presented itself for a quick get away to one of my favorite places (and one of the most beautiful beaches in the world) I seized it.

The first time we went away to Boracay as a couple was almost 20 years ago. Nino and I went to Boracay with his family. We were engaged, but not yet married.We didn’t have kids.

Since then, we have been to Boracay several times with my sister, Maria, and our family, but since that first trip, Nino and I have not been able to visit the world’s most beautiful beach as a couple, again.

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Photo Credit: Sheila Catilo

Part of this is because life got hold of us.
Part of this is because we would rather take the time and spend the money on doing fun things with the kids, instead.
Part of this because sometimes we just need an excuse.

This is where I remind myself that there is no excuse for not nurturing my relationship with my husband. I have learned that the work we put in to our relationship as a couple should be first and foremost on our list of things to do. In other words, we should NOT be looking for an excuse to work on us, or to make time for us. 

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So, the excuse that I mentioned earlier? It was the opportunity for me to surprise Nino earlier last week, with a quick get away. We were invited to check out my friend, Claudette’s, new boutique hotel that she had been telling me about through some of our online conversations. 

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Photo Credit: Sol y Sombra

I was intrigued when my friend Claudette told me about one of her newest endeavors. I was intrigued when I saw her posts on social media of tastefully yet minimally decorated rooms, which looked comfy, modern, and inviting. I searched her Instagram photos and they had me feeling like it might be time for a dose of some Vitamin Sea.

 

If #MyLife can be set to a soundtrack, this is one of my favorite songs. #PowerOfTwo @manila.gent I love that we “Multiply Life by the Power of Two.” #itsmorefuninthephilippines #boracay #boracayhotel #bedandbreakfast #boutiquehotel #solysombraph #paddleboard #watersports #coupletime #marriagefirst #indigogirls #instatravel #instagood #travelgram #instafun #instafitness #instagram

A photo posted by ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀Michelle Aventajado (@mommanmanila) on Dec 1, 2016 at 8:59pm PST

Because we had this time alone together, I got to thinking. I got to thinking about how I wrote this post awhile back about 5 Things Your Kids Should See in your Marriage. I have wanted to make this a series of relationship posts for some time now. I’m NO relationship expert. I’m not trained. But I do have a lot of relationships that are really important to me and I have learned a thing or two along the way.

While we were on our trip, we had so much time to invest in one another. We talked, we laughed, we connected, and we may have even disagreed once or twice, so we could kiss and make up later. But one of the things that we also talked about were ways we enjoyed connecting. 

I can use our little get away with Sol y Sombra as the basis for this post and some relationship advice, however, in the greater scheme of things, these are things we can do to enrich our marriages any time of day, any time of year, and in any place we are.

Surprise one another.

I know Nino has been stressed out with work, his responsibilities and recent events that have transpired in his family. It hasn’t been an easy go for him, and I thought it would be nice for me to make some secret arrangements for us to invest in our relationship without distraction.

 

The rain couldn’t stop us this morning as we visited a few #Vigan #tourist spots. So happy that @manila.gent planned our little anniversary getaway. #qualitytime #lovehim #18years #crisologomuseum #ilocossur #travel #pinas #pinoytraveler #itsmorefuninthephilippines #instatravel #instamood #instagood #coupletime

A photo posted by ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀Michelle Aventajado (@mommanmanila) on Aug 8, 2016 at 11:00pm PDT

I planned as much as I could for our recent trip, until I had to tell him that maybe he shouldn’t plan any meeting for later in the week because I would like to go away just the two of us to enrich our relationship. (And work on my tan.)

I think he appreciated the surprise. But I could only keep it a secret so long. I wanted him to be able to prepare for our mini vacay as well.

Ask him how he’s doing. (And really wait to hear the answer.)

So often, I get busy with the kids and forget to check in on my love. I am guilty of pouring myself into everything and anything, so much so that sometimes, I even forget to eat lunch. 

With my own responsibilities of running the household, heading Best Buddies, mounting events, and writing here on the blog, sometimes I forget to ask my husband how his day was. 

Or, I will ask him how his day was and remember I have to start the bread in the bread machine. Or sign the papers on my desk. Or get the kids’ things ready for school the next day. Truth is, I’m always being pulled in so many different directions. 

I may start to talk to Nino, and then get a phone call. Or he may be trying to connect with me and Gelli comes in the room to tell me she needs to go to the bathroom. There are just so many distractions. Don’t get me wrong, my children aren’t distractions…they are my kids, and my responsibility. 

But sometimes, my husband enjoys my undivided attention, too.

During our little get away, we had nothing to distract us. We took the time to indulge in one another. Listen. Talk. Oh my gosh. We were talking without interruption. No one walked into our room with a problem to solve. Our phones weren’t going off with meetings to attend or calls to be answered. 

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Our room was comfy. Well lit. Modern. And had everything we needed to chill out and enjoy each other’s company.

In fact, there was one morning where we actually laid in bed for an hour just catching up with one another. Nothing that was groundbreaking news. We were even just talking about some pretty mundane topics.

But for some reason, it felt like we were being extremely indulgent.

Is that crazy?

Laying around in a comfy bed, cool from the aircon (because I was a little sunburnt) without worrying about what to do next, who had to be changed first thing in the morning, or what events I had to attend that day… 

Even if it was the middle of the week (because that’s how I planned it) it felt like a Slow Down Sunday simply because we could focus on one another. In hindsight, I now see how easy it is for me to be distracted with the kids and my daily responsibilities. As Nino and have started dating each other more, I love even reminiscing with him about the times when we would stay up for hours and even fall asleep on the phone.

Indulge in each other’s interests.

Ok, so building off of the fact that we were able to really focus on one another during this trip, I have come to another conclusion in the past year. While this year was one of the most challenging times in our marriage, out of the bad has to come some good right?

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Going to #WhiskyLiveManila was not just a fun experience for both of us, it was also an opportunity to hang with @thephenomenalmama ‘s husband @singledram.

I now know how important it is to take an interest in what Nino enjoys doing too. I think the past few months have also allowed him to come to this realization as well.

Simple joys for my husband include going for long drives.

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Earlier this year, Nino and I drove to Vigan to celebrate our 18th wedding anniversary.

Discovering a new single malt. And listening to his new inspiration, Joseph Prince.

 

How do we heat up our #bagnet stash from our recent trip up north? @manila.gent slices it up and we put it in our #Severinph #airfryer at 180C for 15 minutes. If it’s still not crispy enough add a few more minutes till its done to your liking. (I like mine super crispy.) #easypeasy #pinoyfood #inmykitchen #motherswhobrunch #cookingmadeeasy

A photo posted by ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀Michelle Aventajado (@mommanmanila) on Aug 16, 2016 at 4:39am PDT

Our time together in the kitchen has new meaning because, he enjoys researching and creating a dish I may be craving, and my craving inspires his creativity in the kitchen. Nino knows I enjoy being in the kitchen. He knows I find it therapeutic to create new dishes (or old family favs) for the kids because it’s relaxing for me. Being in the kitchen is comfort for me, and he has decided that he will take an interest in spending more time with me there too.

 

Lunch by @manila.gent: Open Faced Fresh prawn and egg salad with crustacean bisque and chili oil sauce served with corn and avocado salsa. #manilagent #mommanmanila #homemade #brunch #lunch #seafood #sandwich #inmykitchen #instalike #instagood #instacool

A photo posted by ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀Michelle Aventajado (@mommanmanila) on Aug 13, 2016 at 10:17pm PDT

This makes me feel warm and fuzzy.

And makes my tummy happy.

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Thanks to my Instagram Husband for indulging me in my photo shoot on the beach.

It even brings a bigger smile to my face, when I ask my Instagram Husband to indulge me with a photo shoot on the beach. After all, before the children came he did tell me I was his favorite subject to photograph.

Thanks Babe, for all my photos you snapped of me on the beach. I knew you were hot and tired, but you still indulged me snapping away…

Discover new places together.

When Nino and I travel with the kids to the beach, we usually go to the same places for comfort and convenience. The kids enjoy the routine, and we enjoy the service when we go to a place where they have seen our children grow.

However, when it’s just the two of us?

Nino and I love to go on new adventures.

We enjoy trying new places by ourselves. We enjoy the discovery of new joints to eat, to stay, and to bring the kids after we have gotten the lay of the land.

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We LOVED this meal at Los Indios Bravos. One of the best restos on the island!

On this recent trip, we not only found a more affordable way to visit Boracay, we also found new places to enjoy the magic hour, and new places to enjoy our favorite foods.

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This is the same for the activities we chose for each of the days during our trip. From paddle boarding to sail boating, and island hopping, we enjoyed a more active Boracay lifestyle, this time around.

We took long walks on the beach.

And during those long walks on the beach, we discovered each other again.

Pray together.

This has been a long time coming.

My spirituality is something I have usually been pretty private about. I am vocal about my faith. I am vocal about my gratitude. I am vocal when I am praying for grace.

But for the most part, when I pray and I’m asking for help, I have felt it has always been between me and The Big Guy Up Above.

I have said my prayers in silence.

I envision in my mind’s eye what I am asking God to grant me. It’s not that I never wanted to pray with Nino. It’s just that I never really prayed out loud, save for the prayers we are taught to say in church.

It’s only recently, that I have been able to pray with Nino aloud.

Proudly.

It’s as if I didn’t feel he needed to hear me in my requests of protection and continued health for my him. And, it’s only as of late, that I have been able to voice these requests aloud while holding his hand. 

 

#StillLookingUp with @manila.gent. Loving our little getaway together @solysombraboracay. Nurturing our relationship with His help is one of my favorite things to do. #marriagefirst #boracay #beach #itsmorefuninthephilippines #beautiful #GodsGreatGoodness #sunsurfsand #instatravel #travelgram #instagood #instacool #instagram #instaday #travel #pinoytravel #travelpinas

A photo posted by ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀Michelle Aventajado (@mommanmanila) on Dec 2, 2016 at 7:33pm PST

There is something pretty powerful in hearing someone pray for you aloud.

Isn’t there?

I think I’m liking this 5 Things kinda Post. I am already brainstorming for the next one…

Thanks to my friend Claudette, Nino and I had a wonderful time connecting, remembering, indulging, and loving on one another. I’m already planning the next time we will go and visit Sol y Sombra. I’m just torn between bringing the kids, or planning another quick get away with my love again…

http://www.solysombraboracay.com/
https://www.facebook.com/solysombra.boracay.hotel/
https://www.instagram.com/solysombraboracay/

 

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Comments

  1. Sabrina says

    December 8, 2016 at 4:55 pm

    Love everything about this post!!! So glad you were able to do this! This is exactly the break you guys needed!:) xoxo-Sab

    • michelle says

      December 11, 2016 at 10:32 am

      Thanks Sab. Totally. Just what the doctor ordered.

  2. Dolores Cheng says

    December 8, 2016 at 6:42 pm

    Mish, thank you for this. It is insightful, inspiring, incomparable food for the soul!!! I bless the day I met you both.

    • michelle says

      December 11, 2016 at 10:32 am

      Thank you Dolores.Thank you so much.

  3. Peter A Ressa says

    December 8, 2016 at 9:22 pm

    Love you Michelle Ann!

    • michelle says

      December 11, 2016 at 10:31 am

      Love you too Dad! So Much.

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Waterside @solaireresort’s BBQ Brunch Buffet has Waterside @solaireresort’s BBQ Brunch Buffet has all the southern fixings and more.

Grilled and smoked meats. Seafood and mixed drinks. Fried chicken and fish and chips. Starters include fresh salads, corn bread, nachos and more. But the kicker comes in the form of a Make Your Own Milkshake bar, and YES, you can order it spiked with your favorite liquor! 

Waterside is only one of quite a few restaurants that you can enjoy  beautiful weekend brunches with your favorite person, the fam bam, or your friends. 

Check out www.mommanmanila.com to see the full menu and what Nino and I enjoyed most.
Creating food together is one of our love language Creating food together is one of our love languages. We flow in the kitchen. I get excited and move too fast, and she grounds me, and slows things down. We can move around one another while still staying in sync. In our own kitchen, there is music that guides us and sets the tone for the meal. Gelli would be in the mix, the boys will set the table, someone makes dessert, and maybe @manila.gent  makes a drink. 

When we prepare our table together there is so much that goes into the process and the ingredients. This mindful movement brings me so much joy when we are all together.

Even more so when we attend classes together to learn new dishes too.  @themayakitchen1 has regular classes offering cooks of all abilities to learn something new when preparing meals for for our families.

Check out my new article on @rappler for @kitchen143 where Gia and I learned from Chef @cocoyventura a few new Pinoy dishes that will definitely be on rotation for #TeamGellibean.

Link in my profile: 

https://www.rappler.com/life-and-style/food-drinks/kitchen-143-learning-lovelokal-the-maya-kitchens-cooking-classes/
Crispy Pata. Is there anything better than perfec Crispy Pata.

Is there anything better than perfectly brined crispy fried pork? 

@manila.gent and I visited @viicsrestaurantph for simple Pinoy fare that hit the spot. Admittedly, after moving here so many years ago, I took a while to warm up to this dish that is one of Nino’s (and my mom’s) favorites. But every once in a while-I won’t feel guilty about indulging in this deep fried treat.

Happy to learn that we can also order for when Mom arrives through @foodpanda_ph too!
The @admiralhotelmanila M-Gallery has opened their The @admiralhotelmanila M-Gallery has opened their doors! @manila.gent and I were privileged to visit the hotel on Friday night with some new friends and we were both so excited to explore some new digs in Manila.

Looking forward to bringing the family back soon!
We were a little early for therapy this morning, s We were a little early for therapy this morning, so @gelliaventajado got to spend a little time with @grace_loedin!

@thevanguardacademyph is still open for enrollment in their summer program, and has a full staff for all therapies and interventions. We really love her school and all of the faculty and staff. It makes a huge difference when you have confidence in the people you leave your child with for learning!
Whipped Feta #Recipe up on @kitchen143 over @rappl Whipped Feta #Recipe up on @kitchen143 over @rappler now!

Link in my profile!

https://www.rappler.com/nation/kitchen-143-dreaming-greece-try-making-easy-whipped-feta-dip/
Thinking about the day I got off the plane in LaGu Thinking about the day I got off the plane in LaGuardia, was picked up by one of my dearest friends and spent the entire day at the beach just catching up on LIFE.

It was a breezy day. Overcast. A little chilly to be in a suit, but it was perfect to catch up with my girl Candy. Sometimes, if you have chosen your friends well, you can pick up where you left off, as if no time has passed at all. 

Just like I did, sitting in that beach chair, feeling the mist of the Atlantic Ocean, and watching the seagulls pick and the seaweed.

Thank you Candy! For the friendship, for dropping everything to come and pick me up. Drive me around and have dinner with me and Fayth. 

Wishing I was sitting on this beach with you right now!!!
Eggs Benny with BBQ Pulled Pork was just one of ma Eggs Benny with BBQ Pulled Pork was just one of many dishes that we enjoyed during #SundayBrunch at Waterside in @solaireresort .

From cornbread, to mom’s potato salad, melt in your mouth whisky cured short ribs, homemade sausages and more. This #BrunchBuffet had @manila.gent and I rolling each other out the door!

Hard to choose which was our favorite from the feast that was set before us!

Brunch is inclusive of some delicious drinks, some Southern smoked and BBQ Fare, and a most colorful sweet dessert buffet by way of Milkshake Bar!
Movie Night at home with the big screen made easy Movie Night at home with the big screen made easy by @lumosprojector_ph!

Summer Lovin’ ain’t over for #TeamGellibean. Hop on over to www.mommanmanila.com to read my full review on how easy this #homeprojector is to use when you want to watch your favorite family film!!

Gelli and I have watched Sharkboy and Lavagirl, Grease, and BTS Videos. Up next? The Sound of Music! 

Want to have your own #LUMOSRAYProjectoe delivered to your home? Stay tuned for an upcoming giveaway, too!

Link in my profile!

https://www.mommanmanila.com/lumos-ray-projector-review/
Missing my @migaventajado The short time I had w Missing my @migaventajado 

The short time I had with this guy in Florida was definitely something I will look back on. Wish we had more time to explore and do some fun things on our own.

Gah. How is this kid 20 years old already?
I remember when he was little and he loved peanut butter, chicken nuggets, Kylie Minogue, and sitting on my lap. He was squishy, in tune with my feelings, and I was always worried that he might have an asthma attack in his sleep so I would nebulize him every few hours. He always looked at new experiences with gratitude and wonder, much how he did while we were in FL together.😍

Praying he continues to strengthen his faith as he grows. 🙏🏻👨🏻🙌🏻

Miss you Miggy!
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